Day 18 of 40 Days of Story: What are the negative and positives charges of your story?
In the midst of the messy middle of story there’s the dynamic of positive and negative charges. Robert McKee, author of the classic screenwriting text Story, writes about this extensively. And here’s the gist: In story something bad happens (-) and then something good (+). But the next bad thing that happens must be worse (- -) and then something doubly good needs to happen (++). So as our hero moves closer to the desired goal the stakes increase and the intensity builds.
While our own stories may not feel that systematically plotted—the reality is when we are moving toward beautiful and important things resistance comes. And it often intensifies the closer we get.
We can feel lost in those double – – charges. It sucks. And…it’s utterly normal. Yet, when it happens to us it seems unlike any other. And wow! Do I know…
When I was working on the Startup Cuba documentary series I found myself more stuck and despairing in a story than I ever had been. During that time a dear friend reassured me I was simply in the messy middle and that I had always found my way out of stories before and I would this time. It was so hard to believe him and even harder to believe in myself. But I determined to rally and tag on to his belief.
Then the next shoot—the final shoot—was a disaster. That sense of feeling lost got worse. I failed. So, this was going to be the time I didn’t make it through. The – – – – – charges were off the charts.
Right before we were leaving to the airport then something clicked for me. I could see the path out. But as I said, this was our final shoot.
Yet, grace upon grace–positive charge doubled–my business partner kindly agreed to hop back on the plane a few days later and I was given 48 hours to try to right the whole series. I threw in my own funds and ended up shooting most of it myself. But that wasn’t what did it…there was a divine choreography that I can’t take credit for. It was as if someone had gone before us and lined the streets with people who could give us the candid interviews I knew we were lacking. And I was finally able to direct in a style the project desperately needed. The story was rescued.
The gift of that trip was magnified by the disastrous one before.
And so it is with all our stories. If we can trust there are graces in the negatives then we can be better poised to savor the positives that come our way.
All this reminds me of an idea I’ve carried in my heart for many years thanks to Simone Weil. Essentially she says:
There are two things that pierce the soul…one is beauty and the other is affliction…and if we are to truly live we must be pierced by both.
We must live with the positive and negative charges of life.
What are yours at the moment?
Whatever they are may you find grace in the negatives and gratitude in the positives today.
One true friend is all the positive charge I need. For me, that happens to be the man I get to call husband. He offsets every negative charge because he rewrote my story. It’s his friendship actually, his staying power, and the one thing the God I worship knew I needed more than anything else as far as human relationships are concerned. Forget love, though there’s plenty of that too, it’s the friendship I required and hungered after, someone who thinks I’m worth staying for, through the thick, thin, messy and mesmerizing.
You see, I was used to being left behind by divorce and career seeking parents and grandparents, by sports playing brothers and sisters and once-upon-a-time boyfriends, much like that wandering first husband I once had. Then there were a few never-really-interested “fake-news friends” as well, all of which bought into the “love ‘em and leave ‘em mentality. Rejection is harsh. It doesn’t take much to lose hope and bleed out. That’s where I was when I met up with Mr. Staying Power.
Obviously, I didn’t come into the marriage fully trusting in the friendship. Instead, I came both skeptical and hopeful, yet still awaiting the final blow. Would the time in be worth the exit out? I didn’t know. But he surprised me when, even though I imagined all the reasons he might go, he stayed. For thirty years now he’s stayed and proven me wrong. For that, I am positively grateful (pun intended) and finally, healed by the balm and beauty of it all. It has indeed had its full effect, and now I see friendship for the gift it is… staying power.
If you want love, I say forget the fantasy and pursue the friendship, the staying power kind, the kind you’re okay to hang out with just the way it comes packaged. Do that and all the rest will find its way in as well. Staying power is the positive charge which balances the negative, “Get me out of here” shocks of life.