Waiting for True Family (Love Received. Love Expanded.)

Weekly Reading: Luke 8:19-21; 13:31-35; 15:11-32; 18:15-17

I recently heard an interview on NPR that had me pause in motion, sit down and simply listen. It was with Sheila White, a sex-trafficking survivor who I too had interviewed a couple of years ago. Sheila grew up being hustled from one foster family to another. This fragmented and disoriented experience of family primed her for trafficking.

When the NPR host asked if she’s had to rethink her view of family, Sheila’s voice grew solid as she responded: “Family is who you make it.”

Family is who you make it. Curiously enough Jesus communicates a similar sentiment—both in word and deed. However, he does it in some provocative ways.

In Luke 8:19-21 Jesus audaciously re-imagines family.

Then Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him, but they couldn’t get to him because of the crowd. Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, and they want to see you.”

 Jesus replied, “My mother and my brothers are all those who hear God’s word and obey it.”

Admittedly, I’ve struggled with this little snatch of Scripture. When I read these verses a few weeks ago Jesus struck me as dismissive and divisive…almost anti-family.

I got stuck. Paralyzed. And then…the questions erupted.

So Jesus, are you throwing off the construct of blood family that glibly? Really?

Why in the midst of mass disappointment with our relatives do we still long for family? Are you dismissing the desire for families to be formed? Are you disregarding the hope for fractured families to be shored up? Can you be that flippant about your mom and your brothers? Did you ever long for family yourself?

And yes…why can’t I still shake the hope of having my own family?

Oh, and while I’m at it…does everyone have to be perfect in your family—do they have to hear and obey God to be loved by you?

I still don’t have this Scripture sorted, but as I’ve screamed and whispered questions at God for the past few weeks a suspicion has come. Jesus loves family. He longs to collect everyone up into family. Perhaps he’s not limiting a vision of family but expanding it…extending the invitation to family further than it ever had been.

In a moment we’ll see how Jesus identifies with mothers, fathers and children. But let’s pause first.

REFLECTION EN ROUTE: What is your reaction to Jesus’ interaction in this passage? What do you think of the idea: “Family is who you make it”? When you consider your own family—or longing for family—what disappointments or hurts are you currently facing?

JESUS IDENTIFIES WITH MOTHERS

The longing to mother, to nurture, to protect can be fierce. Jesus’ heart pounded with the desire to collect up and hold close those he loved.

Yet in daring to desire he became vulnerable. His heart was pierced by rejection–an arm’s length response, a flat “No, thank you,” a vicious “I hate you.” He knew the subtle and the harsh dismissals of nurture offered but unwanted.

In Luke 13:34 we get a glimpse of Jesus hopes and heartbreak:

 “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me…”

Longing. Rejection. These two basic desires transcend socio-economic, gender and ethnic lines. So, these two basic desires hold the power to level us…all of us. Perhaps the most surprising piece of this story isn’t that Jesus identified as a mother, but what happened next after his mother’s heart got rejected.

Rather than leveled, he kept loving. And loving. And loving.

Here’s a confession: I’ve struggled to write this piece because I’ve been grieving. I’ve been grieving the growing probability that I will never birth a child. Since the days of playing house as a girl I imagined myself a mom. I desired it.  I assumed it. I never envisioned a life at my age not as a mom. But here I am.

I don’t share this for sympathy, simply as explanation. I’ve been stuck in the part of the story where desire to nurture gets thwarted.

Yet Jesus’ story and Sheila’s words: “Family is who you make it” is starting to entice me to get on with the next part of the plot. What does it look like to re-imagine motherhood?

Recently two new Colorado friends have given me snapshots of motherhood expanded. My friend Lynne, who is also single, recently became a foster mom to a spunky eight-year old girl. She’s living in the stops and starts of nurture…doing it with zest, tears and an enlarged reliance on God.

Another friend has essentially adopted one of her daughter’s friends after finding out this young woman was being molested by her father. The young woman’s mother chose to stand by her husband rather than believe her daughter and all the evidence against him. A year later the young woman is thriving and her father is being sentenced this week….thanks in part to my friend’s fierce love and protection.

I don’t know exactly what re-imagining looks like for me. I’m getting glimpses…and I’m praying for sharper vision to spy out the opportunities and greater courage to seize them.

REFLECTION EN ROUTE: Where is your desire to nurture and protect colliding with the opportunity/acceptance to do so? How could you keep loving that person (in a healthy way) despite the rejection? Whether you have children or not, how might you expand or re-imagine motherhood in this season?

JESUS IDENTIFIES WITH FATHERS

In Luke 15 Jesus shares three stories to illustrate one idea. The stories feature a lost coin, a lost sheep and a lost son.  The final story is often referred to as The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). Yet I’d argue the story is primarily about the passion and pursuit of the father. The story actually includes two sons (one who blatantly rebels and another you passively resents).

How does God act and react when his children reject or misunderstand his love?

He pursues with love and truth.

Here’s his response to the prodigal:

20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.

And to the older brother who is angered by his father’s extravagant generosity to his pesky brother:

31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

Henri Nouwen wrote a powerful book called The Return of the Prodigal Son. In it he invites us to identify with each character—both brothers and ultimately with the father.  As we ourselves know more and more of our heavenly Father’s love we are able to pursue others with love and truth.

REFLECTION EN ROUTE: Who in your life seems to be resisting your love? Consider how might God be inviting you to forgive them and move toward them with love (whether it’s pursuing a greater relationship or simply letting yourself feel greater compassion for them)? Also consider how you might speak truth into someone’s life this week…in a way that is full of grace and motivated by love.

JESUS IDENTIFIES WITH CHILDREN

In Luke 18 we see parents bringing their children to Jesus. The disciples scold the parents for inconveniencing Jesus. (During that time children were the lowest rung on the social ladder.) And once again, Jesus defies social norms and responds this way:

16 Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. 17 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”

Not only does Jesus invite the children to come to him he says all must come to God as children. What is Jesus getting at here?

As I write this I can see neighbor kids running lopsided, jumping randomly and throwing balls with loads of passion and little precision. They are boisterous, awkward…and zestful. Maybe Jesus is inviting us to come to him with that kind of abandon? I suspect he’s calling us to greater humility and wonder as well…but I love the picture of us running lopsided as he squats low and laughs. claps, and revels in us coming his way.

REFLECTION EN ROUTE: How might you move toward God with greater abandon this week?  I believe a part of our coming to God like children is embracing play and laughter…how might you make space to play and laugh more this week?

A PARTING SHOT

Perhaps it is not so much about being perfect to be in God’s family but when we hear and obey (which happens to be the same word in Hebrew), we not only recognize we are in God’s family but we begin to see family like Jesus.

We expand our vision of motherhood and love through rejection.  And we pursue like the heavenly Father, and embrace those who have lost their way. And we discover that when we crouch down to be eyelevel with children, we get to look up and see the bigness of God and the wonder of His world.

I know this is a curious blog for Easter week but I believe why Jesus came to earth, why he died, and why he resurrected was to collect us up into His family—a true family that one day will be free of dysfunction and full of pristine love. And we will find ourselves at home, finally at home.

PRAYER: May we sense Your love as a mother and father more deeply. May we respond with childlike faith—hearing and obeying. And in doing so, may You expand our vision of family and enlarge our love.